Romantic Old World.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Dan types this in, with the TV on in the basement blaring some of the TV shows that I need to keep up with. But the most important sounds are the erratic typing on his keyboard and the song playing in the background (The Feeling - Sewn) on his laptop. Yes he does watch TV with music on too, he is a strange cat. A few skips, and a few long typing bursts in a few secondsit is between 3am and 4am…..

Well, let's just say that I have a crush towards someone. What does this mean? Well, I'm having feelings towards that someone. Well, it's not sexual the light of day, and to some kind of infinity. completely or anything of the sorts, but I want to hang out. It's like I want to share this moment of life with this guy, from the sounds of silence,

I am attracted to his personality number one. I feel a natural connection with this person and it is a feeling I haven't had in a while. In the past I have ended up feeling like I am fighting to hold things together. This person has a good attitude on life and has goals that he is working towards. Things that top my list are he is not afraid to be himself and doesn't let his sexuality govern his whole life. Refreshing as a mouth-full of Scope in the morning as far as I am concerned.

Yes my view has changed a bit since my old blog "Crushes suck and not in a good way" on Thursday, January 26, 2006. That is ok over time some opinions should change.

When a text message, instant message, or phone call from a person literally makes you entire day, and makes you feel like the hero receiving the exuberant welcome. When you start to think, "I wonder what life would be like with this person" and creep yourself out because you don't even know them well enough to hold their hand, and then think the same thing the next day. When you can close your eyes and imagine what they would smell like, feel like and look like waking up next to you in the morning. This is when you know you are no longer in control of feeling and you can get yourself hurt very badly. Would getting hurt affect me? Sure. Would anybody really know it affected me? No. I have mastered skills in disguise better than a ninja.

A crush is a double edged sword. We all know this and yet no matter how hard we try and fight it sometimes it just happens. Personally I had told myself that I was done dating for a while and that I was going to refine my greatest natural resource, my mind. I told myself after the past people that I had dated that I needed time off because I was obviously doing something wrong. (OH side note, because I know you are reading this Johnjohn. Why in the hell don't we ever listen to each other? E.g. my advice to you about Shane and Rex, your advice to me about Franz and Chris? We are stupid that is why. We need to slap ourselves. Also..yes Kenneth I know you told me the same thing about both as well. Go ahead boast you proud bastard.) Now this person has me rethinking all of that. I am picturing myself is a relationship again. Am I crazy? I might just be.

Crazy. That's what a crush feels like. It's good, though, I can be old and have crushes and when they end up unrequited, I can say, silly little boy, you don't know what you're missing! Or something. And until then, I can pine. Pine. Pine.