Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Dan the man, everyones a fan.
TEN random things about me
1 I am an olny child
2 I have a stone exterior, once past that I will do anything for you.
3 I really dont like most people, I can get along with them though
4 I still think that farts are funny, and the word poop
5 I was an all state defensive lineman in high school....Go Bears!
6 I poop....ALOT
7 I can my eyes go in seperate directions.
8 I think religion is just so people feel better about them having shitty morals/lives.
9 I like sex more than most people.
10 I love porn, my friend Ken and I trade all the time.
NINE ways to win my heart
1 make me laugh
2 be honest with me
3 cook me dinner
4 be loyal
5 be true to yourself
6 watch cheesy movies with me on the couch
7 be able to carry on a conversation about nothing for hours
8 keep your dick in your pants until you get home.
9 get along with my best friends.
EIGHT things I want to do before I die
1 travel the world
2 own a home and a few vacation homes
3 live in Tokyo for a year
4 live in London for a year
5 find the meaning of true happiness
6 own my own marketing/advertising/pr firm
7 do lunch with Donald Trump
8 see my friends and I all succeed at life.
SEVEN ways to annoy me
1 not be able to carry on a conversation
2 lie to me
3 be a picky eater
5 smacking your lips when eating
7 not being able to take a joke
SIX turn ons
1 cute face
2 cute ass
3 BIG dick (this one is for Crystal aka partner in crime)
4 kind soul
5 open mindedness
6 somebody who can hold you after it is all said and done.
FIVE things I'm afraid of
1 losing loved ones
2 not succeeding
4 talking balls of meat
5 going bald
FOUR favorite items in my room
3 cell phone
THREE things I do every day
1 brush my teeth
3 release my member
TWO things i want to do right now
2 release my member..giggity giggity
1 Either Johnjohn or Ken
Monday, January 22, 2007
Monday, January 22, 2007
So I did a little fill in the blank birthday thing today. It is fun usually, but this hit the nail right on the head. Minus this thing abour Cancer, it had some good points but made me sound like Im a weak individual who lets emotions get in the way. It is kind of creepy. So I will share.
|Your Sun Sign:||Gemini||Sun 3° Gemini 19'||What's a sun sign?|
The Twins go everywhere together, hand-in-hand, symbolizing your dual nature. Our world comes in pairs: good and evil, male and female, in and out, yin and yang -- and you Geminis are living proof. Some might say you are an entanglement of paradoxes, but the truth is that you have an easy acceptance of opposites. Your world is one of duality. You can like this and that, one thing and its opposite. It's like you see your world through a radio and you can tune experiences and points of view in and out as your interests change.
Motto: "A rolling stone gathers no moss."
|Your Moon Sign:||Cancer||Moon 26° Cancer 25'||What's a moon sign?|
Cancer is the home sign of the Moon, which indicates that you are a very lunar or feeling-oriented person. These strong emotional instincts tend to make you protective of those close to you, expressing a maternal quality of care and concern. Preserving traditions tends to be more appealing than heading into uncharted territory, and this can make you slow to accept changes in your routine. You tend to be cautious about coming out of your shell, but you're also a builder who can slowly and carefully nurture a new business or organization. Because you feel so strongly, it can be hard to step back and take an objective look at your situation and discover alternatives to the position you're holding onto so tightly.
Motto: "Everything is personal."
|Your Rising Sign:||Gemini||Ascendant 10° Gemini 49'||What's a rising sign?|
Having Gemini Rising is like owning a universal pass key that gets you in everywhere you want to go. That's because you can adapt yourself to all different kinds of people and situations. You instinctively pick up on the prevailing mood and find a way to fit in easily. You tend to be chatty, freely expressing yourself in ways that are pleasant for others to hear. You're open to sharing your thoughts without coming across as bossy or judgmental. You've got a light touch that helps you make your point in a roundabout way, rather than producing resistance by coming on too strong. And you don't appear to be demanding, but tend to have such an outgoing friendly manner that you're welcome just about everywhere.
Motto: "Let's talk about it."
|Your Chinese Sign:||The Ox|
The OX … THE DILIGENT OX
Mantra: I create in balance.
The Ox is the most balanced Chinese sign, loving peace, harmony and beauty. At the same time, Oxen can be strong willed, and behind their beautiful, serene faces can be a great temper and a critic that reacts angrily to anyone who threatens or harms them. They love family life but tend to be quite traditional in their values. Oxen only deeply trust a handful of people throughout their lives. They hate fussy or chaotic types -- for the Ox, life has to be easy. With their logical minds and creative hands, Oxen can produce the most perfect artworks and innovations.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Friday, September 22, 2006
Dan types this in, with the TV on in the basement blaring some of the TV shows that I need to keep up with. But the most important sounds are the erratic typing on his keyboard and the song playing in the background (The Feeling - Sewn) on his laptop. Yes he does watch TV with music on too, he is a strange cat. A few skips, and a few long typing bursts in a few secondsit is between 3am and 4am…..
Well, let's just say that I have a crush towards someone. What does this mean? Well, I'm having feelings towards that someone. Well, it's not sexual the light of day, and to some kind of infinity. completely or anything of the sorts, but I want to hang out. It's like I want to share this moment of life with this guy, from the sounds of silence,
I am attracted to his personality number one. I feel a natural connection with this person and it is a feeling I haven't had in a while. In the past I have ended up feeling like I am fighting to hold things together. This person has a good attitude on life and has goals that he is working towards. Things that top my list are he is not afraid to be himself and doesn't let his sexuality govern his whole life. Refreshing as a mouth-full of Scope in the morning as far as I am concerned.
Yes my view has changed a bit since my old blog "Crushes suck and not in a good way" on Thursday, January 26, 2006. That is ok over time some opinions should change.
When a text message, instant message, or phone call from a person literally makes you entire day, and makes you feel like the hero receiving the exuberant welcome. When you start to think, "I wonder what life would be like with this person" and creep yourself out because you don't even know them well enough to hold their hand, and then think the same thing the next day. When you can close your eyes and imagine what they would smell like, feel like and look like waking up next to you in the morning. This is when you know you are no longer in control of feeling and you can get yourself hurt very badly. Would getting hurt affect me? Sure. Would anybody really know it affected me? No. I have mastered skills in disguise better than a ninja.
A crush is a double edged sword. We all know this and yet no matter how hard we try and fight it sometimes it just happens. Personally I had told myself that I was done dating for a while and that I was going to refine my greatest natural resource, my mind. I told myself after the past people that I had dated that I needed time off because I was obviously doing something wrong. (OH side note, because I know you are reading this Johnjohn. Why in the hell don't we ever listen to each other? E.g. my advice to you about Shane and Rex, your advice to me about Franz and Chris? We are stupid that is why. We need to slap ourselves. Also..yes Kenneth I know you told me the same thing about both as well. Go ahead boast you proud bastard.) Now this person has me rethinking all of that. I am picturing myself is a relationship again. Am I crazy? I might just be.Crazy. That's what a crush feels like. It's good, though, I can be old and have crushes and when they end up unrequited, I can say, silly little boy, you don't know what you're missing! Or something. And until then, I can pine. Pine. Pine.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
I'm okay, I'm okay. (Dan pulls out a needle-less injector, and gives himself a shot of some kind of painkiller to his neck. The injector makes a quick hiss, and Dan closes his eyes and shakes himself out of it). I feel somewhat better.
I'm too lonely for my own good. I sometimes just want to hang out with a guy who is not so... tainted. I don't want the person that is like every other person out there. Is being unique such a horrible thing? I am tired of the fakeness and luster lacking shells of men that I have met lately. Here is an idea, if you don't have the same feelings on an issue, just say so. Seems like a logical idea to me, instead guys agree with me. Why? Do they want to impress me? Do they think it will help the conversation flow? No it is because they are feeble, insecure and full of self-doubt. This is not a quality that I want in a life partner, business partner, or friend.
Luckily I am blessed with people in all those positions in my life who offer full support and I appreciate them very much.
I enjoy conversation that is challenging and where I can compare my opinions with others. This is a reason that I think I enjoy talking with somebody like Ian Thomas, every time I talk with him I am thinking, learning, and having an enjoyable time. Ian and I aren't even close, he is somebody I would hang out with if the opportunity arises but we are far from best friends. None the less this is the type of person that I respect. My two best friends Johnjohn and Ken are both these types of people. Not only can we have great challenging conversations but they will actually say, "I think you are wrong" whether it is my opinion or an action of mine. Where is that type of brutal honesty?Anybody else finding this happen to them?
Sunday, September 10, 2006
I tend to try and gather my thought and look at myself in a way a stranger would. It is a task that takes time to acquire, but when I do I tend to get many thought about the world around me. I see myself through the eyes of others, then I start to think, "Why are these people this way?" Anyways I had to type this one up because it hit me like a brick and I wanted to know what others think so feel free to reply to this.
Gay men seem to live life more intensely than straight people. I mean, who else, other than a gay man, can go through marriage, adultery, and divorce, alcoholism, rehab, and relapse, quit one job, find another, change apartments, and accomplish all of that before Last Call? And go on to call it a slow Saturday! In their incestuous social circles, they live out their lives in what passes for contentment. So what if these circles can be so much like an "I slept with so-and-so" Fan Club where sex is the only way in, and there is no way out. So what if the parade of tricks and one-nighters is seemingly endless, a Safeway-brand serial monogamy that accomplishes nothing more than a worn-out mattress. In a shiny disco ball nightclub world where you fall in love every fifteen minutes and fall off your barstool every nine, so what?
Gay men are fickle creatures. Boyfriends cheat in front of each other. Friendships are cast aside in the pursuit of good head. Family, religion, morality, these are all bonds that are cast off in a shiny happy world of posers and poodles, of queens clawing for a tin crown, of twinks looking no farther than a label and labeling themselves as shallow in the process. It's a superficial wonderland, a morality play that teaches by showing the immoral, a cesspool of booze, drugs, sex, and Shania. Conversations can be limited to "whatcha drinking" "top or bottom" "how hung" "where to". That's all they need to know to move from vodka-on-the-rocks to getting their rocks off, and what more is there?
It just seems to me that the magic's faded. You hear talk of the glory days of gay bars. "Do you remember that night at Flashback..." "...and Boots was packed every night..." "...every night at the Roost was as busy as a Saturday..." And then you look around and the current situation just doesn't match up to the memory. Oh, you can blame it on the smoke, you can blame it on the drugs, you can blame it on the fact that people just don't drink as much anymore, or that all the old crowd has coupled off and moved on from "the scene". There are lots of things you can blame it on, but the fact of the matter is, there was always smoke, there was always drugs, people still swill, and for every person who's moved on from the bar scene, two more have come out.
The problem is, we've evolved past the gay bar. Not only are there dozens of other places and ways to cruise for sex now, we yelled and screamed and hollered to be treated just like everyone else, to have people acknowledge that sexual orientation is no different than race or gender, and now that's come back to bite us in the ass. We don't NEED gay bars anymore (particularly if you're in an excruciatingly long line-up an hour before Last Call). With a straight world becoming more and more accepting of queerness, we pick our bars based on music or location or whatever, not because of a big neon rainbow out front. Oh, of course, having that "safe space" is still important, but it seems that that importance is decreasing rapidly.
For the proof of that, look at all the out gay people who lead happy lives, meet fabulous partners, have the same fantastic parties, and are able to do it all without setting foot inside a gay bar. Further, in spite of supposedly being completely self-actualized, they consider gay bars, and those who go to them, beneath them. How times have changed from when you almost had to go to the bar to meet someone! Now, those very same clubs are actually used as a reason NOT to be with someone!
And yet, no matter how much the
Ten years ago, the gay community was leading the world in a war against HIV. Now, we've got stupid twinks posting messages on the cruise board looking for hot hung tops for bareback action because, as they so intelligently point out, everyone knows that youth is the smallest group for current rates of HIV infection! Have we become so lax that such blatant misinformation is actually accepted as Gospel Truth? But you can't point out the error of their thinking either. The flash of that strobe light may be fading, but it is still bright enough to obscure the days of fear and funerals from a generation of people breast-fed on safer sex information. They have rejected that mother's milk, and now, they just don't care.
They just don't care. Look around. Gay bars might be suffering a decline in business, but so too do our community groups. Reduced membership numbers, decreased funding, decreased interest, all leave our charitable groups on as shaky ground as our clubs seem to be. In a city of almost a million people, our Gay and
Have we so lost our way? Has winning so many battles in the war for equal rights robbed us of a common cause that brought us together in spite of our internal differences? Have we become so converted to Dionysus that Apollo no longer receives his due; do we prefer the wine and the decadence to the battle for truth and justice? Look at our own Gay Pride Festival every year. Where it once was a "we're here, we're queer, get used to it" political slap-in-the-face to all of those who'd rather pretend that "queers don't exist", it's now just one more week of partying in a year-long New Year's Eve. It's lost its meaning, lost its significance, and that rainbow flag's six colors seem faded as a result.
Are we so insanely selfish that we really cannot be bothered to work for a common good anymore? Or is it that we don't have a common good to work for? There was AIDS, a battle that while still being waged, has become, justly, non-exclusive to the gay community. There was equal rights, but already we see that enough has been accomplished that we can't agree amongst ourselves where we should fight hardest next. There seem to be as many people anti-same-sex-marriage as there are pro, within our own community. How can any battle be won when the goal can't even be agreed upon?
So what is the point of it all? As I said near the beginning, I do this once in a while, holding up a mirror to my thoughts, my feelings, and my life. When someone sees themselves in what I say, I'm as genuinely surprised as anyone else. Still, I would like to think that there is some deeper truth to be found in what many of you will write off as bitter rambling. Perhaps that truth is simple this: the wars that we fought, that served to unite us together as a community, those wars have changed. It is no longer simply about recognition, about equal treatment, about finding a cure. There is a new battlefield now, one entirely within our community. It is a war fought by twinks and trolls, by chubs and jocks, by butchy-type construction workers and flamey little poodles, by queens and club kids, by everyone. It is a war to answer the question "now that our other battles are winding down, what are we fighting for now? What can we, as a community, work together for now?" The side that says "nothing, no common goal left, no reason to be united" seems to be winning too often lately, a side that's happy to wile away the hours on a dance floor, cheering for the shooter sales, scoring with the latest stud. That cannot be the winning side, and so the war goes on. A war far more relevant to this one fag than Dubya's dream. A war to fight nightly in those very clubs, by enjoying the party as much as everyone else but trying to accomplish some good at the same time. After all, good times with good goals, isn't that what the gay community is all about?
Within the first three seconds of a new encounter, you are evaluated even if it is just a glance.
People appraise your visual and behavioral appearance from head to toe. They observe your demeanor, mannerisms, and body language and even assess your grooming and accessories watch, handbag, briefcase. Within only three seconds, you make an indelible impression. You may intrigue some and disenchant others.
This first impression process occurs in every new situation. Within the first few seconds, people pass judgment on you looking for common surface clues. Once the first impression is made, it is hard to reverse instantly.
The process works like this:
If you appear to be of comparable business or social level, you are considered suitable for further interaction.
If you appear to be of higher business or social status, you are admired and cultivated as a valuable contact.
If you appear to be of lower business or social standing, you are tolerated but kept at arm's length.
If you are in an interview situation, you can either appear to match the corporate culture or not, ultimately affecting the outcome.
It is human nature to constantly make these appraisals, in business and social environments. You may hardly have said a word, however once this three-second evaluation is over, the content of your speech will not change it. When you make the best possible first impression, you have your audience in the palm of your hand. When you make a poor first impression, you lose your audiences attention, no matter how hard you scramble to recover it.
This is how people are able to manipulate and use people. Some have mastered this art and indeed fooled most of those around them. Others use it in their best interest to conduct business, especially in marketing, to make themselves succeed. Its strange how much of your life can be affected by 3 seconds. Some people dont even have a 3 second reaction time, yet it doesnt matter they can still be destroyed within the 3 seconds. So whether you use this for business or to gain a quick social advantage eventually will be seen through like a window. You need to have the good to back up the talk or you are left looking quite foolish. I feel it is best to be honest with yourself and be true to who you are. Then you will get what you deserve, people will see who you really are and you will gain true respect from the people who matter.
you are to beautiful to be hurt like that
ill take hold of your sanity
and let you have it back
i can kiss away your pain
i can start the rain
in this garden of black roses and love
and bleeding flying decapitated doves
my heart is nailed to a burning tree
and you went to get it back for me
how can i say im not thankful for this
with the gift of another first kiss
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Anybody who has ever left loved ones behind or have had to say goodbye to one know what Im talking about:
On a day like today,
a young man arrived
at the airport,
His heart was heavy,
and he was sad.
For he knew the time
has come to leave
this Heaven and
return to the
in his heart,
a kind of longing
to stay back forever.
A kind of familiar loneliness
that he was acquainted with,
comes to him again.
And he sighed,
hoping again hope,
to stay in this limbo
of joy and
'Oh no, I'm leaving again',
hot tears threatening
to well in his eyes.
Bravely, he forced
a smile at his
Without much of
a second look,
he bid them
In the plane,
the man sat,
with eyes closed,
he left behind,
and those sweet voices
and carefree laughter
every single image
that went fleeting pass.
a faint smile ghosted at his mouth.
'I'll see them again soon.
Take care, my loved ones,
I'll be back.'
Love and lust are inextricably intertwined. Lust is ground zero for hormones, it's nature's way of bringing people together to "mate" or as Trent would say "fuck like animals." In fact, without lust, it's doubtful that love between humans would have a chance to prosper at all. The driving force of the sexual imperative bridges the gap between the almost incompatible brain styles of the two sexes. So lust can be seen as one end of the broad continuum, which may or may not involve actual romance. Plain and simple; "Men fight wars over lust, but they make homes and families for love."
For men, lust is a strange experience; the brain goes on hold and red-hot surges of testosterone run the show. Lust, like love, is truly blind. This is why, especially at the beginning of a relationship, it can be hard to tell whether you're in lust or love; whether he may be "The One," or merely a passing fancy who'll have your blood boiling for only a short while. This is because men are perfectly capable of engaging in sex before they forge emotional bonds. These raging hormones can easily disguise themselves as feelings of love. The real danger is that both lust and love can rob a man of his natural strength and/or defenses. Then it's all too easy to hand his male power over for sex-ploitation .
This has actually taken me a very long time to realize and be able to express in the proper wording so that people can know exactly what I mean. I have realized "Im a lover not a fighter" doesnt apply to me; rather "Im a luster not a lover." I always wondered why I got bored with relationships and only thing that would keep me involved was great sex. Well maybe one day the right person will change my ways. Oh well what is a guy to do?
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Wish I was too dead to cry my self-affliction slowly fades. Stones that I throw at my creator and masochists to which I cater.You don't need to bother.
I wish I'd died instead of lived, a zombie hides my face. Im like a shelf forgotten with its memories and diaries left with cryptic entries.You don't need to bother. I don't need to be and I'll keep slipping farther, but once I hold on, I won't let go 'til it bleeds.
I'll never live down your deceit
Someone brought up the argument that many heterosexual couples who are devotees of "Christ" are having sex, and not always for the purpose of having children. Therefore, what is wrong with gay sex? Sex is sex, right?
To that I'll simply say that two wrongs don't make a right. Giving up mundane sex is our common goal, whatever our sexual orientation. If that means being in a committed relationship (marriage or otherwise) to one's partner. These same people usually think that sodomy is anal sex. When in actuallity sodomy is any of various forms of sexual intercourse held to be unnatural or abnormal. This includes oral sex, it isnt natural and how many hetero couples perform oral sex? Interpret the Bible as having been written by authors who were intent on promoting their own religious and spiritual beliefs. The writers lived in a pre-scientific age, which treated slavery, genocide, mass murder, and the opression of women as acceptabe. Since scientific study of sexual orientation did not begin until around 1950 BC, biblical authors had no awareness of the topic. When the Bible and science disagree, we have to give greater weight to the recent findings of human sexuality researchers.
Probably no story in the Bible has been used more to persecute homosexuals than the story of Sodom. By the Middle Ages, Thomas Aquinas had come to see all disasters of any kind as God's wrath at homosexual sin. Earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, collapsing buildings, runaway horses, women falling into ditches - all these and more were understood to be expressions of God's displeasure at "the wickedness of Sodom." So I did some research on the subject to get some historical understanding. this is what I found:
"Yet in Old Testament times we never find references to the destruction of Sodom being equated with homosexual acts. For these references we must look to the last centuries before Christ. In the two centuries before Christ, the Hebrews became better acquainted with the Hellenistic world as they traveled, traded, and settled in Asia Minor, Greece and Rome. Heterosexual and homosexual acts were traditional expressions of fertility worship in the Hellenistic world. Having been raised under the Holiness Laws, the Hebrews found these practices offensive. Among the Hebrew's reaction to these worship practices we find the first texts equating homosexual acts with Sodom. There are also references to the iniquity of sexual acts between Hebrews and Gentiles ("your union shall be like unto Sodom and Gomorrah" and between angels and humans. The references to homosexual acts usually were concerned with the practice of sex with youths, which was popular in Greece as an expression of appreciating beauty. By 50 AD we find the first time the sin of Sodom is associated with homosexual acts in general. In the Quaest. et Salut. in Genesis IV.31-37, Philo interpreted the Genesis word ydh as "servile, lawless and unseemly pederasty." Around 96 AD, Josephus first used the term sodomy to mean homosexual acts. From Antiquities: "They hated strangers, and abused themselves with Sodomitical practices." Since Old Testament times did not equate the Sodom story with homosexual acts, what was the crime of Sodom - a crime worth the destruction of five thriving, wealthy cities on the fertile plains?"The crime was pride and it was inhospitality.
We have to remember the Hebrews were a nomad people in a dry, hostile environment. Weather and suspicious neighbors made hospitality a matter of survival. Being welcomed in a stranger's home or tent could mean the difference between life and death. The crime was pride. And it was inhospitality. We have to remember the Hebrews were a nomad people in a dry, hostile environment. Weather and suspicious neighbors made hospitality a matter of survival. Being welcomed in a stranger's home or tent could mean the difference between life and death. Throughout the Old Testament, Sodom is held up as a lesson in wickedness that deserves utter destruction for reasons other than homosexual acts. Examples: Ezekiel 16:49 - 50, "Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride, fulness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy. And they were haughty, and committed abomination before me: therefore I took them away as I saw good." Isaiah tells of lack of justice. Jeremiah emphasizes moral and ethical laxity. The Deuterocanonical books identify the sin as pride and inhospitality; in Wisdom 19:13-14, we read "...whereas the men of Sodom received not the strangers when they came among them." In Ecclesiasticus 16:8 the sin is recognized as pride: "He did not spare the people among whom Lot was living, whom he detested for their pride.
So 2,000 years, until the last century before Christ, Israel understood the lesson of Sodom to be one of pride and hospitality. So is it possible that misinterpitation has invoked a curse on this holiest of words from the bible? It is very possible, even in some disagree. Now I realise the catholic curch may come and perform an excorsism on me for my blasphomous comments *gasp* but thats ok. After all these are the same peopel who claim Im damned to hell for my lifestyle which I have no control over. I dont know what else to say right now I could rant about the subject for hours honestly but I would like to know how other people feel. So please reply and if you know people who would be interested pass it on. I leave you with this: Matthew 19:12 when he said: "All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it." This quote from Matthew is the closest biblical reference we have to our current understanding that homosexuality is a psychological identity, rather than just physical acts. For Christ to have known this in biblical times is a testament to his inspired understanding.
P.S. I realize my grammar and/or spelling may be off so please over look it.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Well life sometimes places situations and feelings in our life that just dont make sense. Maybe it is to test us and see how far we can be pushed before we break or possibly just to keep our lives unpredictable. I dont have an exact answer. As I look at my life and the lives of those around me I see alot of stuff that doesnt make much sense and I dont believe in fate so somebody is fucking with us? I see one of the best people I know on this Earth help out a friend and have the friend say they hate him for no reason, to meet a new lover and when he is honest about his feelings ends up with the bag guy sign pointing at him. I see two of my friends start to like each other, then both fear comittment and one ends up deciding they both should see what else is out there. I have a friend who finds the person of thier dreams and he is in Italy and wont even get to meet him for who knows how long. I have friends struggling to find soulmates, struggling to pay bills, and some struggling to find who they are. So why are all these things happening to great people? Then there is my life where Im struggling to get back on my feet, struggling with my soulmate, and trying to find myself all at the same. So I think maybe them being friends with me is so I can see each of them overcome their problem and find some light at the end of the tunnel for each of my problems. The weird thing is I dont feel sorry for any of them or myself. I know they will be fine and I know I will be. Its like Im numb to life at this point and Im just going through motions so people know Im alive. I just want the next five years of my life to be done with so I can see if anything I am doing at the moment is actually going to pay off but I guess life is a gamble and the true players will stand victorious. Well I am a true player and know I will stand high upon my moutain top looking down on the little peopel who I had to step on to get there along with the ones who treid to stop me from climbing that mountain. I have always known I was bound for greatness since I was a child. I guess Im a cocky person for feeling that way or maybe thinking that way will help me get to where I am going to end up. All I know is it is going to be a bumpy ride but the trip should pay off and not only for me for all of my friends. Keep your heads up and remember: WE DO BIG THINGS!
Danning/Dan/Danny: means funny or wacky in some way
can make a joke out of any thing
a non-white person that makes fun of white people
2) HAHAHAHA i got into truble by being a dan
3)IMMA GO DANNY ON UR WHITE CRACKER ASS
and if you know me you know how much this actually fits me, fucking amazing. Well except for the non-white part, Im the pork of meat folks.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Ok I tricked you all here to hear my cliche fuck Valentines Day rant.
For every person who receives a furry teddy bear, box of chocolates, or a bouquet of roses this Valentine's Day, there will be just as many who will receive nothing. There's no doubt about it. Valentine's Day sucks. Think about it it's just another reason for pink and red merchandise to be mass marketed so that corporations can once again fill their coffers for that slump between Christmases. Everyone runs around frothing, proclaiming their love and pledging their eternal allegiance to one another if they have somebody. If not you get the shaft and for those of you the day should be renamed "Self Confidence Killoween" it all makes me sick. If someone truly cared about you, I think you'd hear it more often than once a year, presented with a heart shaped cardboard box picked up from the local mall filled with cheap chocolates made with oils and lard and a card picked up for $2.95. This will supposedly cover all wrongs and faults in the relationship with one fell swoop, leaving the giver disencumbered of all sins committed within the past year. If you are single it just causes depression, whether mild or severe, and makes you realize that you are single and all the frolicking couples make you feel like there is an error in your ways and you need to find a mate and breed like our grandparents did after the war. Don't get me wrong. I'm not a single young man bent on giving grief to everyone else who is dating. I'm just a stark realist. I want someone to tell me if I'm loved of their own volition, not because some fabricated greeting card holiday sponsored by the evil Hallmark Corporation obligates them to.
When I was a kid I used to give Valentines Day cards to everybody in my class, and yes I did get cards back. I think most can relate with that ritual from grade school. Then I thought back on how it really was, my parents would take me to the store so I could get the coolest cards on Earth. Personally I would always go with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle cards or maybe some Thundercats, never GI Joe cause they were just not my style Cowabunga Dude!!! Then I would pick out all the favorite characters and give them to my close friends and then the rest would go to the other kids that I didn't really care for. I would always notice the "smelly" kid or the unpopular kid at their desk sometime crying because they didn't get a lot of cards. Then some people would throw away some cards because they were more generic and didn't have flashy characters or candy on them. I can only imagine how the kids whose parents could walk them into a store and say "pick which one you want out" must have felt. I am glad I can say I never made fun of my peers for their family not having a lot of extra cash. So yay for my parents even though they taught me fucked up values and ways to express myself they spoiled me with material things. Then once I got to high school and was dating my girlfriend things changed a lot. I no longer had to buy cards and candy to share with the class, but had to spend more money and think of things a lot more original than a card. Even then when I was in a relationship the day wasn't that great, it was just basically me spending a lot of money in order to keep getting laid. Sad but true.
Ok so down to it boys and girls. Some people want to get cards and flowers and chocolates and teddy bears and hugs and kisses and other such bullshit. Me? I just want to get drunk and get laid. Neither will happen but a guy can hope can't he? I just haven't had good sex in a while; it's a very sad day when John, my apprentice, is getting more action than I am. Sure I could make a phone call or hop online and find somebody that will do but I want that great sex where when you get done you feel like you just went on a journey and you can barely walk because you are so exhausted. Where you have to sleep on the floor because the mattress is soaked from all the sweat and fluids that leaked during the breeding ceremony. I want bite marks and bruises from my nipples to my toes that good ball slapping sex that should be video taped and sold for $49.99 a copy. Anybody else know what I'm talking about or do I just really get into it?
My fucking virgin ass, I hate crushes with a fiery passion. They creep up on you like some B-movie villain and before you know it, you're doomed to functionlessness. There is little-to-no point in them, and yet they insist on complicating my already impenetrably confusing existence. Luckily, they only properly occur once every year or two, but when they infect me, I know full well the consequences. And it's fucking happened again. However there is a big difference in the typ of crush that occurs once every year or two and what I call the "20 minute crush."
I hate the word "crush." It makes me feel like I'm back in middle school and just discovering my hormones. I hate the word "crush" because it sounds so shallow, like all I can do is sit and gaze at the pictures person this word applies to. I hate the word "crush" because it makes me feel immature, far below my 21 years. But, most of all, I hate the word "crush" because it sounds like I want nothing more; it has the connotation of not wanting an actual relationship but rather just wanting to stare at the person. Yet, here I am, with a "crush." Hence this is the problem with "crushes." Your heart gets involved and, try as you might, you can't seem to get it untangled. It somehow believes that if it just holds on long enough, all of your hopes will come true. And then, somewhere along the line, you enter back into reality and wish your heart would start having some communication with your brain rather than behaving like a separate entity.
The thing that makes my crush worse is the fact is that I actually spent a night with the guy and didnt act on it or tell him how I felt. I mean the signs were there, sitting on the couch shoulder to shoulder, feet kept bumping into each other, and to top it off he even went and put some toothpaste in his mouth as if he was anticipating a long kiss goodnight, or something like that, lol. I know hind sight is 20/20 but I just keep replaying the night in my mind. Flooding my self with the what if thoughts and thinking of what could have happened if I would have just taken John's words and "MAN UP!" So now I sit here trying to decide what to do about the situation now. I still have strong feelings but I dont think the other person does, but I still at time get the vibe that the feeling might be mutual. Oh well life is often a challenging and complicated journey.
So here's to all of us who suffer from this haunting ailment. May we come through it wiser, relatively unscathed, and that much more determined to find love that is returned.
Ok I want to start this entry with definitions of some feelings that effect my life, as they do many of yours as well, on a daily basis.
Fear - A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger.
Love - A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person.
Lust - Intense or unrestrained sexual craving.
Anger - A strong feeling of displeasure or hostility.
Sadness - Affected or characterized by sorrow or unhappiness.
Insecurity - a feeling of apprehensiveness and uncertainty
I always come off as being this confident happy person, but honestly I have just mastered the skill of dissimulation. I thought that I was extremley good at this until a talk with John-john last night. I respect him for his bluntness and honesty. I have always respected his advice and always will, he has always listened to me and told me what he thought of what I was saying whether I wanted to hear it or not. So he just flat out asked me, "whats getting to you?" So I was taken back by this and quite frankly he caught me off guard and I started trying to ramble out some reason but really couldn't get something credible out. Ok, this NEVER happens to me, I have a very sharp keen tongue and when put on the spot I can usually throw something out there within seconds. So I don't know what to think. I mean am I losing my edge? is there just too many things built up inside? Is "me" making myself emotionally numb to all of my problems taking a drastic toll on me? See my mind is honestly a heterogeneous, well oiled machine. I think this is why I often don't sleep very well. I just have so much on my mind that when it is time to turn out the lights and have quiet time everything is thrown at me at once.
With all that out of the way I do feel better. I feel as if I can breathe a little bit better now. I am not looking for pity it just helps me grip reality to get emotions off of my chest once in a while. Im still a strong person and no matter what I will always have a smile on even if I dont feel like a smile. It is just a part of me and will always be. I don't know how healthy this is but it does help me function from day to day. Thanks for listening to me be a total girl...;-)
Mr. T, Vin Diesel, and Chuck Norris once got into a fight in a laboratory containing radioactive substances. After they were done there was only one person left, Mr. Chuck Diesel, who was a bionic prototype of all three. The prototype was sold to the Soviet Union for over 50 million dollars, but was soon discovered to be, due to a personality defect, metrosexual and obsessed with knitting. It was immediately destroyed and ground into a fine white powder, now referred to as cocaine.
Someone brought up the argument that many heterosexual couples who are devotees of "Christ" are having sex, and not always for the purpose of having children. Therefore, what is wrong with gay sex? Sex is sex. To that I’ll simply say that two wrongs don’t make a right. Giving up mundane sex is our common goal, whatever our sexual orientation. If that means being in a committed relationship (marriage or otherwise) to one's partner. These same people usually think that sodomy is anal sex. When in actuallity sodomy is any of various forms of sexual intercourse held to be unnatural or abnormal. This includes oral sex, it isnt natural and how many hetero couples perform oral sex?
Enough of that time for some random pics. :-D
Ok I quasi-borrowed the idea from a conversation that Ken and I had earlier. I do feel that they deserve answers, at the bare minimum some thought, even if some are a bit rhetorical.
So lets say a person is deaf, should this make him a local gay icon? I mean why should he receive special treatment? Don't most people with handicaps want to be treated. I have been asking myself this question ever since I got called an asshole for not attending a bar party for a handicap person. After all I should have canceled my plans with my friends to go to A&C for somebody that I only know because he is constantly groping me and rubbing my back.
Why is it that just because somebody else is gay I am supposed to be friends with them? If I so choose to like somebody it is because they titillate me in some way. There are plenty of gay people that I cant stand. I feel that their mother's should have drowned them in the bathtub and saved the milk and I wouldn't piss on them if they were burning. Thats just how I feel and my opinions should have no effect on you unless you are a weak person. However feel free to agree, we all like like the feeling of being right.
Why are gay guys always concerned with who is dating who and holding couples at a higher status than the rest? Is it just a way to cover up the jealousy they feel for the couple since they dont have what they do? They always seem happy to see a couple that appears to last through the ages. If this is true why is it having a boyfriend is a green light to try and pound their man muffins? Lets face it the most people dont want a couple to stay together because they are alone and misery loves company. I say let them be happy, but at the same time who gives two squirts of piss who is seeing who. The so called "power couples" can all be happy but I dont know them, I don't plan on trying, and I am not going to hold them on icon status. My life isnt that sad or do I have a maniacal interest in other's lives. Maybe this is just a mid west mentality because this isnt a problem back west.
Why do people view being the bottom as being the more effeminate role? I have alot of masculine friends and most of them feel this way and even make jokes about bottoming. I think isnt a bottom needed for gay sex? Personally I dont like to bottom but I dont see it as a effeminate act as I do a patronage. I appreciate the good job all the bottoms of the world do. Hats off you do make the world go around.